How To Do Hard Things As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Call it avoiding, resisting or procrastinating.
In my Highly Sensitive life, I’ve done my fair share of putting off doing hard things.
Having a hard conversation, breaking an unhelpful relationship pattern or habit, or changing a self-defeating mindset, it’s easy to find yourself stuck.
You want to try something new but a racing heart, a spinning mind and an anxious tightening in your solar plexus leads you to withdraw into a mishmash of unidentified emotions that steal your ability to move forward.
You set out with good intentions and then put one foot in front of the other and realize what you’re doing isn’t working. But you’re not sure what else to try.
Whether or not you want it, this is an opportunity for personal growth and it feels hard.
Do you keep trying or do you stall out?
I’ve stayed stuck many times for far too long, but now I have a routine for moving myself forward.
Here are 7 steps for finding creative solutions to hard issues and getting unstuck.
1.Calm your nervous system when it’s spinning. You won’t discover creative solutions if you’re flooded with emotion. Soothe your nervous system to give yourself clarity. Listen to your urge to rest. Pull the curtains closed and sit in silence. Journal about everything you’re feeling.
2. Open yourself up to discovering a creative way to move forward. Once you’re feeling centered again, stay open and present to your environment and solutions will emerge. It may be a book or article or podcast that pops up and shows you the next step. I’m believing more and more that the Universe is always sending us messages that carry solutions.
3. Commit to sticking with it through the hard parts no matter how many times you try or fail. This kind of growth is hard and doesn’t come with a rush of the pleasure hormone dopamine to help you stay the course. If this change is important to you, counteract the desire to give up by making a solid commitment to keep trying. Tell yourself that no matter how long it takes and how many things you try, you’ll keep going. With one caveat, you can pause for self-care and to reset your nervous system. You need to rest to have energy to grow.
4. Engage your body. Research on the benefits of exercise shows it boosts your mood, increases courage and reduces anxiety. I have found this to be true. Creative solutions always pop into my mind when I’m exercising. I now start my day with yoga, which gets me tuned into my body and activates the solar plexus, which is the center of my creative power. Choose your favorite form of movement and start your day with it to get centered.
5. Meditate. I follow my morning yoga up with a 15 minute loving kindness meditation. Loving kindness meditation allows you to tap into self-compassion and compassion for others, including people you’re at odds with. Meditation puts your mind in the observer and witness mode so you can stay present to what’s occurring without getting sucked up by a sting of emotions. This is the tool for allowing you to observe rather than absorb the emotions of others. And it helps soften your self-judgment if you’re beating yourself up.
6. Use the 5 Second Rule to do the hard thing. When you get a gut instinct to act, count backwards, 5-4-3-2-1 and GO. Rip the band-aid off and do the hard thing. Don’t stop to analyze the options. If you wait to feel like doing it, you never will, says Mel Robbins, author of the 5 Second Rule. You will enter mental jail, and talk yourself out of it. By taking action, you rev up your pre-frontal cortex, the problem solving part of the brain that makes you feel more in control of your life.
7. Journal about feelings that emerge after you take action. I’m often hesitant to try something new because I’m afraid I’ll feel rattled it if it doesn’t go well. Worries about what I’ve done and feelings of vulnerability wake me up in the middle of the night. But journaling provides a safe place to land. Writing engages your brain in creative problem solving, calming your nervous system. Plus it shifts your perspective so you can keep moving forward rather than pulling back in fear.
You can do hard things.
If you’re ready for change, promise yourself you won’t give up.
Then keep your eyes open for clues about how to move forward.
Combine morning exercise with loving kindness meditation and become a witness to your inner strength.
Then as you go about your day, you’re primed to follow your gut when it tells you to act.
Soon enough, you’ll look back and marvel at how your life has transformed and who you’ve become.